Things We Couldn’t Say

An exploration between partners, how past affects future, and the extents of connection.

It’s a delicate thing to confide in one another. I’d like to think everyone would be so kind as to share, to listen, but that’s rarely the truth; rarer yet, is to find someone whose experiences are so intimate with your own.

My partner and I share many a likewise story.

I remember the night I told her about my first relationship, the year and a half of intimate partner violence, the rape that followed, and aft has been a steady exchange of stories between her and I. There were things we couldn’t say, unable to speak as to what or why it happened. Our conversations slowly lost any pronounced language, and became less an exchange of words, but an unspoken empathy; it seemed the most sensitive things were always shared, and understood, in silence.

Things We Couldn’t Say is a collaborative project between my partner, Gissell Estrada, and I, and presents a series of portraits that have been physically collaged together, telling of a shared identity found through our independent experiences. Upon our decision for the project, we became aware of a need to continue our conversations, asking one another how to approach, speak on, and open what we had exchanged so many nights ago to others. If anything, the project facilitated a space for candid talks, in which we decided to take a “tableau” approach to the events’ presentations. We could not, nor desired to, represent the events as they happened. Keeping the environments minimally detailed, they are thoughtfully designed to evoke themes of nostalgia, emotional dissonance, and despondent memories.

No one presentation will be all-encompassing; these stories and their weight are uniquely our own, but in analyzing our intersecting histories of gender identity, violence, and religion, Things We Couldn’t Say is a communion between one another, you the viewer, and the still weighty past.